I hope your dating experiences are all good ones! I just laughed out loud as I typed this last sentence knowing very well that the vast majority of the online dates you have will not be awesome ones. That being said, I thought it would be a good time to share some of my personal experiences with online dating.
In this first story, the interaction never even resulted in a date. This story illustrates my point about how important it is to not give out your phone number too soon and also sets the stage for some of the crazy people you will meet as you’re seeking the good ones.
This one evening I was sitting at home having a relaxing night alone and decided to check out Tinder. This particular dating app is almost like a video game with the swiping and the “matching.” While I admit there have been times that I use it as this kind of entertainment, this time I decided to “play Tinder” with the intention of finding someone new. I swiped right with one particularly handsome man who had model good looks and it was a match, meaning he had also swiped right. He only had one picture, which is suspicious, in my opinion, but I decided to respond to his messages anyway.
He started off saying sweet and complimentary things: how much he liked my smile and profile and was just looking to meet a nice girl. He asked insightful questions and seemed like he wanted to know about me. We went back and forth via the app for about 45 minutes and it seemed that I found a really cool guy with good looks to boot.
The topic moved to setting up a time to meet. My profile on Tinder very clearly states, “Not looking for a hook-up; women don’t need an app for that, just saying” (I know, cheesy, but it gets the point across). Despite my clear intentions, and his initial comments about also not looking to just hook-up, he suggested that I come to his house that night. I responded by saying that I thought we had talked about the fact that neither of us are looking for a hook-up. To which he responded, “I’m not looking to hook-up with you, I just thought it would be fun to get to know you right away since you seem so cool and your pictures are beautiful.” I replied that my impression of people asking someone to their house at night, as a first meeting place, is looking for a hook-up, at least that night. I said it with a smiley face attached to know that I was gently pushing back on his suggestion.
The smiley face did not soothe the rejection as I had intended. He proceeded to get incredibly angry and started sending me a long ranting and insulting messages. He told me my pictures make me look old (Most people guess my age to be at least 7 years younger than my biological age, but I digress….). Then he started ranting about how I should expect people only wanting a hook-up with me based on the “types of pictures I’ve posted.” All the pictures I post are tasteful with one that shows a bit of cleavage in a group shot with me and my girlfriends. I tried to interrupt his ranting with apologies if I had offended him, but he continued to rant, calling me horrible names and scoffing at my attempts to apologize.
Basically, he quickly transformed from a nice, calm, sweet guy to a raging lunatic once I let him know that I would not meet him at his house. Luckily, I had not given him my phone number, so all I had to do was unmatch him through the app, which I promptly did. My heart was racing with horror that I had interacted with someone so unstable.
After thinking about it, I believe the one picture he posted was not really a picture of him and that he was using it to lure women to his lair for who knows what. The bottom line is you really don’t know who the other person is in online dating, which is why I cannot emphasize enough that you need to avoid exchanging numbers until you meet in person and make the first in person meeting at a safe place in public where you each drive your own car or take your own Uber.
Online dating is a fun adventure and a great way to learn what you’re really looking for in a partner. Just keep your own personal safety as a top priority and don’t assume everyone has the best intentions.