It’s time for the first in-person date with someone you’ve met online. At this point, you’ve found someone that you think might be special, based on some positive email communication and the fact that their profile has many of the things you are seeking in a significant other. You have both decided to schedule an in-person meeting. This may cause some angst. You may have questions swirling through your head: Where should we meet? What should I wear? What should I expect? What if I don’t like them? What if I like them and they don’t like me? There are many results that could occur in a first-time meeting. Rather than stress over all the potential outcomes that are out of your control, it is best to put things into perspective and focus on what you can control, such as location, what you wear and what to expect.
Locations to meet for a first online date
As we’ve discussed in previous blogs, many of the people you will meet are not who they portray in the profile. If the person has not followed my “Rules for Creating an Online Profile,” the strong possibility exists that they have misrepresented themselves in the profile. Knowing that this is a possibility, it is important that the first date be set for an hour or less. I even recommend letting the person know, in the context of planning, that you will only have an hour, that way, there is a hard stop as a safety net, whether things go well or not. This avoids the discomfort of when to end the date.
The location should be a public place (safety is key) with flattering lighting. It should be a more casual interaction versus a dinner date. Dinner is the most expensive of options and tends to go longer than an hour, so avoid making that the first in-person date.
Ideal spots for the first in-person date:
- Though cliché, Starbucks is still one of the best first-date meeting spots and it’s appropriate for breakfast, lunch, afternoon, late morning, etc. The atmosphere is relaxing and the lighting is always good.
- Breakfast spots are a nice way to have a first date. Breakfast is a lot more cost effective and most people have somewhere to be after breakfast, so it is easy to build in the hard stop after an hour of breakfast.
- Restaurants or lounges that have happy hour and appetizers make a good selection as well. Again, it is more casual and cost effective, the lighting tends to be good and it is easy to build in a hard stop. If you choose to drink, only have one. You want to make a good first impression. It makes someone look less attractive if they down several drinks during happy hour.
- Juice bars have become a popular first date spot, especially for people who prefer to eat healthy.
What to wear to your first online date
The goal is to make a good first impression. If you have a job that requires business attire, a breakfast meeting might be a good first-date. A man or woman showing up in business attire is classy and sets the right first impression. If your typical attire is not business, I still recommend wearing something nice that looks like you made an effort.
Ladies, please be classy. You will look equally “hot” on a first date in something attractive and a little on the conservative side. Leave something to the imagination. By dressing in your “Vegas” attire on a first date, you are setting the wrong impression. Also, if you follow the rules for locations to meet, it will be inappropriate to wear your four-inch stilettos and plunging neckline at the recommended spots.
Men, please make an effort. Do not show up in a ratty T-shirt, baseball cap and flip flops. (Yes, I have seen and heard of that happening many times). A baseball cap is OK if the rest of your attire is decent, such as a golf shirt and shorts, nice jeans and a classy T-shirt. Ideally, no baseball cap is the better choice.
Expectations for first online date
The other person probably has many of the same concerns as you. They may have been burned by other people they’ve met online that have misleading photos, which causes them to have a suspicious outlook with online dating in general. Maybe you are the skeptical one, based on your past few in-person dates where there was no chemistry, or the person turned out to be several pounds heavier or several years older than their profile indicated. Keep in mind that online dating is a microcosm to the macrocosm, meaning that the odds of meeting someone online are like the odds of meeting someone in the real world. Try to have realistic expectations. Don’t come with a negative attitude, assuming the person will be “just like the others,” for that attitude may drag down the energy of the date.
Also, make sure you aren’t assuming every in-person meeting will result in a love connection. That will cause great disappointment repeatedly, since the majority of the first dates will not result in second dates. I try to approach the first date as a single event. The goal is simple: have a nice conversation and learn something new about the other person. This takes pressure off needing everything to be perfect. If you both come to the date with this easy intention, it will make it a lot more relaxing.
First online dates can be a lot of fun, whether there ends up being a connection or not. If you choose the right locations, dress appropriately, and have the right attitude, the likelihood of it going smoothly is higher.